today started off really badly.
i never knew things between my family and me could be this unfamiliar and ladled with distrust.

it's just saddening, that i can't seem to fall back on my family.
idk what they actually feel i could do.

noel and the retard gang planned a stayover a guowei's house tonight.
i woke up this morning, made a phone call to my mum to ask if i could actually join them.

instead of just a 'no', i've got..
me: mummy noel and his friends has a stayover tonight. can i go?
mum: huh why stayover. always go out. got ask papa? aya you think lah.. always go out. go ask papa, if he allows then okay lah. (the tone was twice as bad as you imagine)
me: huh.
mum: you always go out. papa said, 'she always go out. dk what she do outside.'
me: ayaa. okay nvm.bye.

seriously.
my mum even quoted my dad.
'dk what she do outside.'
any idea how much that hurts?
and i thought my mum showing that kind of attitude and sort of tone.
like huh?
i didn't know my dad's the same.
like wow, family is the only people whom won't forsake you, and will trust you no matter what.

i'm not too sure about that now.
really not.
i don't feel like i'm getting the trust i'm supposed to get, nor the security i'm supposed to feel.
only God makes me feel the security and all i need.
i can tell him Anything and He won't despise me, neither would He laugh at me.
i'm confident He won't forsake me.
He trusts me with all his heart.
and if i make Any mistake, he won't hesitate to forgive me.

my parents?
they could have told me nicely, or ask me where i'm going? or what i'm doing or with whom right?
why did they just behave as though they are fine with me going out, then only discuss and show their unhappiness behind my back?
why?
my mum gave me more allowance, cause she knows i go out very often.
my dad always tells me 'enjoy yourself' before i leave house.
i didn't sneak out.
i didn't run out of the house right?

so what did i do wrongly?
if they did ask me nicely, i would tell them where what and who when i'm going out.

noel says parents are bound to be like that.
yeah probably.
but it just assures myself that i should start leading my own life, myself.
i'm not sure if they will be there encouraging me when i need it.

idk if i'm too harsh on this, i might be even selfish for this.
but i honestly feel that way.
i really hope i'm wrong.

today started off really badly.
i never knew things between my family and me could be this unfamiliar and ladled with distrust.

it's just saddening, that i can't seem to fall back on my family.
idk what they actually feel i could do.

noel and the retard gang planned a stayover a guowei's house tonight.
i woke up this morning, made a phone call to my mum to ask if i could actually join them.

instead of just a 'no', i've got..
me: mummy noel and his friends has a stayover tonight. can i go?
mum: huh why stayover. always go out. got ask papa? aya you think lah.. always go out. go ask papa, if he allows then okay lah. (the tone was twice as bad as you imagine)
me: huh.
mum: you always go out. papa said, 'she always go out. dk what she do outside.'
me: ayaa. okay nvm.bye.

seriously.
my mum even quoted my dad.
'dk what she do outside.'
any idea how much that hurts?
and i thought my mum showing that kind of attitude and sort of tone.
like huh?
i didn't know my dad's the same.
like wow, family is the only people whom won't forsake you, and will trust you no matter what.

i'm not too sure about that now.
really not.
i don't feel like i'm getting the trust i'm supposed to get, nor the security i'm supposed to feel.
only God makes me feel the security and all i need.
i can tell him Anything and He won't despise me, neither would He laugh at me.
i'm confident He won't forsake me.
He trusts me with all his heart.
and if i make Any mistake, he won't hesitate to forgive me.

my parents?
they could have told me nicely, or ask me where i'm going? or what i'm doing or with whom right?
why did they just behave as though they are fine with me going out, then only discuss and show their unhappiness behind my back?
why?
my mum gave me more allowance, cause she knows i go out very often.
my dad always tells me 'enjoy yourself' before i leave house.
i didn't sneak out.
i didn't run out of the house right?

so what did i do wrongly?
if they did ask me nicely, i would tell them where what and who when i'm going out.

noel says parents are bound to be like that.
yeah probably.
but it just assures myself that i should start leading my own life, myself.
i'm not sure if they will be there encouraging me when i need it.

idk if i'm too harsh on this, i might be even selfish for this.
but i honestly feel that way.
i really hope i'm wrong.